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Thread: The Official Bad Jokes Thread

  1. #41
    ლ(ಠ益ಠლ) Logan's Avatar
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    Re: The Official Bad Jokes Thread

    Comic Sans walks into a bar - the bar man says ''sorry, we don't serve your type in here''.
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  2. #42
    Thats what she said ... Sn0w's Avatar
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    Re: The Official Bad Jokes Thread

    A clone got sacked from the circus .... he's suing them for funfair dismissal .
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    Re: The Official Bad Jokes Thread

    What do you call a pair of shoes with banana skins on the bottom?

    Spoiler: Reveal
    Slippers!
    Last edited by Myaumix; 13-03-2010 at 14:59.
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  4. #44
    Playstuff Member .ps Rog69's Avatar
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    Re: The Official Bad Jokes Thread

    I went to the zoo today and they only had one solitary animal in there, a dog.

    It was a Shitzu.
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  5. #45
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    Re: The Official Bad Jokes Thread

    Quote Originally Posted by Rog69 View Post
    I went to the zoo today and they only had one solitary animal in there, a dog.

    It was a Shitzu.
    Lol had to think that one through
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  6. #46
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    Re: The Official Bad Jokes Thread

    What happened when Jesus went to Mount Olive?

    Spoiler: Reveal
    Popeye kicked the shit out of him
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  7. #47
    Registered Member Caliostro's Avatar
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    Re: The Official Bad Jokes Thread

    Oh boy... How did I miss this for so long... Here we go:


    So an Irishman walks out of a bar....

    ----

    So there was this cauldron full of boiling soup. A carrot turns to a tomato and says "Oh man, it's hot as hell in here...". The tomato replies "HOLY SHIT A TALKING CARROT?!"...

    ----

    So there was a pirate with a wooden steering wheel stuck to his genitals. One day someone turns to him and points out the odd combination of steering wheel and balls... To which he replies "Yarrr, it's drivin' me nuts".

    ---

    So one day Barack Obama, Bill Clinton and Sarah Palin accidentally stumble across a magical mirror. They're all looking at the mirror when suddenly a genie comes out. The genie turns to them and says "I am a great genie of the mirror of infinite power. Tell me the truth, and I shall reward you, but lie to me and I shall send you to the 5th dimension!".

    They all stood around a bit confused for a while, before Bill Clinton stepped forth and said: "I... I did sleep with that woman, Monica...".
    The Genie claps his hands and Bill suddenly finds himself swimming in an immense fortune.
    Obama went next. He turned to the genie and said: "I honestly think I can make a difference.."
    The Genie claps his hands and Obama is awarded the Nobel peace prize.
    Then it comes down to Sarah Palin. She looks around nervously for a bit before stepping up.
    Palin looks at the genie and said "I think-", after which she was immediately teleported to the 5th dimension.

    ----

    What does a wallnut say to a hammer?

    Spoiler: Reveal
    "You crack me up."


    ----

    Ok that's it for now...

    A LOT of common sense was harmed in the making of these "jokes".
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  8. #48
    Playstuff Member .ps Rog69's Avatar
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    Re: The Official Bad Jokes Thread

    Two parrots sitting on a perch and one says to the other "Can you smell fish?"
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  9. #49
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    Re: The Official Bad Jokes Thread

    I got a dirty one here

    Spoiler: Reveal
    I fell in the mud
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    Re: The Official Bad Jokes Thread

    "My dog is so lazy. He doesn't chase cars, he just sits on the kerb, taking down lisence plate numbers" - Rodney Dangerfield

    "Why do dogs have no money?
    Spoiler: Reveal
    no pockets"
    - Jerry Seinfeld

    "You can't smell mothballs because it's too hard to get their tiny legs apart" - Rich Hall

    "My hamster died yesterday. It fell asleep at the wheel." - Frank Carson
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  11. #51
    I accidentally a whole post. Carbon's Avatar
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    Re: The Official Bad Jokes Thread

    The doctor said, "Joe, the good news is I can cure your headaches. The
    bad news is that it will require castration. You have a very rare
    condition, which causes your testicles to press on your spine, and the
    pressure creates one hell of a headache. The only way to relieve the
    pressure is to remove the testicles."

    Joe was shocked and depressed. He wondered if he had anything to live
    for. He had no choice but to go under the knife.
    When he left the hospital he was without a headache for the first time
    in 20 years, but he felt like he was missing an important part of
    himself. But as he walked down the street, he realized that he felt
    like a different person. He could make a new beginning and live a new
    life. He saw a men's clothing store and thought, "What I need is a new
    suit."
    He entered the shop and told the salesman, "I'd like a new suit." The
    elderly tailor eyed him briefly and said, "Let's see . . . size 44
    long." Joe laughed, That's right, how did you know?" "Been in the
    business 60 years!" the tailor said. Joe tried on the suit. It fit
    perfectly.
    As Joe admired himself in the mirror, the salesman asked, "How about a
    new shirt?" Joe thought for a moment and then said, "Sure." The
    salesman eyed Joe and said, "Let's see, 34 sleeve and 16-1/2 neck." Joe
    was surprised, "That's right, how did you know?" "Been in the business
    60 years!" Joe tried on the shirt, and it fit perfectly.
    Joe walked comfortably around the shop and the salesman asked, "How
    about some new underwear?" Joe thought for a second and said, "Sure."
    The salesman stepped back, eyed Joe's waist and said, "Let's see . . .
    size 36." Joe laughed "Ah ha! I got you. I've worn size 34 since I
    was 18 years old."
    The salesman shook his head. "You can't wear a size 34. Size 34
    underwear would press your testicles up against the base of your spine
    and give you one hell of a headache."

    > New suit = $400
    >
    > New shirt = $ 36
    >
    > New underwear = $ 6
    >
    > Second opinion = PRICELESS
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  12. #52
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    Re: The Official Bad Jokes Thread

    How do you get a grizzly down from a hill?

    Spoiler: Reveal
    Camembert


    What did the yorkshire man say when he dropped something on his foot?

    Spoiler: Reveal
    Edam


    How d'you disguise a small horse?

    Spoiler: Reveal
    Mascarpone


    What type of cheese doesn't belong to you?

    Spoiler: Reveal
    Nacho cheese


    What type of cheese is made backwards?

    Spoiler: Reveal
    Edam


    How should you eat Welsh cheese?

    Spoiler: Reveal
    Caerphilly


    Also
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  13. #53
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    Re: The Official Bad Jokes Thread

    How does an elephant hide in a cherry tree?

    Spoiler: Reveal
    He paints his toenails red


    How does an elephant get down from a cherry tree?

    Spoiler: Reveal
    He sits on a leaf and waits 'til autumn


    What car does an elephant drive?

    Spoiler: Reveal
    A Mini


    How d'you know if an elephants been in your fridge?

    Spoiler: Reveal
    Footprints in the butter


    How would you fit an elephant in a fridge?

    Spoiler: Reveal
    Open the door and put him in


    How d'you fit a giraffe in a fridge?

    Spoiler: Reveal
    Open the door, take the elephant out, and put it in


    The lion, king of the jungle, holds a meeting for all the animals. Which one doesn't arrive?

    Spoiler: Reveal
    The giraffe, it's still stuck inside your fridge


    You find you self stranded on a small island, in the middle of a croc-infested pond. How d'you escape?

    Spoiler: Reveal
    Just swim across, the crocodiles are still at the animal meeting.


    And I remembered all these... maybe that's why I have trouble remembering things, too many bad jokes clogging up the works xD
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  14. #54
    AdminiBob almightybob's Avatar
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    Re: The Official Bad Jokes Thread

    Those jokes are so cheesy Sero.
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    Re: The Official Bad Jokes Thread

    A chicken and an egg are laying in bed. The egg is smoking a cigarette, while the chicken has a slightly annoyed look on its face, muttering "Well, I guess that answers that riddle."
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    Re: The Official Bad Jokes Thread



    EDIT: Sorry, this is what happens when I get really bored....
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    Re: The Official Bad Jokes Thread

    Don't worry about infringing corporate trademarks.... Just Do It.
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    Re: The Official Bad Jokes Thread

    A man goes to see a psychiatrist, and tells him about these alternating recurring dreams he's been having.

    "Well, in the first one, I'm a teepee in some vast plains, while in the second I'm in a jungle, being a wigwam."

    The doctor replies "Well, the problem seems clear to me, your two tents!"

    All credit to my gf for reminding me
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    Re: The Official Bad Jokes Thread

    A man goes to the doctor and tell him: "Doctor, I can't stop singing 'Green green grass of home'"
    The doctor answers: "Looks like you got the Tom Jones-syndrom"
    "Is that normal?", the man asks.
    Spoiler: Reveal
    It’s not unusual.
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  20. #60
    The artist formerly known as
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    Re: The Official Bad Jokes Thread

    Quote Originally Posted by The Sero View Post
    How do you get a grizzly down from a hill?

    Spoiler: Reveal
    Camembert


    What did the yorkshire man say when he dropped something on his foot?

    Spoiler: Reveal
    Edam


    How d'you disguise a small horse?

    Spoiler: Reveal
    Mascarpone


    What type of cheese doesn't belong to you?

    Spoiler: Reveal
    Nacho cheese


    What type of cheese is made backwards?

    Spoiler: Reveal
    Edam


    How should you eat Welsh cheese?

    Spoiler: Reveal
    Caerphilly


    Also
    Those cheese jokes were gouda, but this one's feta.
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    Nuttmegger: Troll mode... Activated
    Equinoxo: You have an off setting? Like why even mention?
    Nuttmegger: 'cause I'm in troll mode.

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