The Email I Probably Shouldn't've Sent To Gaben
by, 22-04-2012 at 22:01 (33548 Views)
So a few night ago, I was laying in bed and having one of those mental breakdowns you have when you lay in bed and think about everything that has ever happened in your life.
I hate those moments.
And in a burst of spontaneity, I wrote and sent a stupidly personal e-mail to Gabe Newell. I'm not sure if I regret it, as it is certainly how I feel, but I am very embarrassed about it. I like to keep my cards close to my chest. I barely ever outright show my emotions to anyone other than my family, so this was a very unique moment for me. I think it's just because I feel like my life is entirely out of control right now. That there's so many things I want to do but I just see them slip away because this absurd waste of time called College pulls me away.
The stress and anxiety of it cause me to break down mentally and just do nothing. So I fail on both counts, in life and in school.
I know what I should be doing. I always know what I should be doing, but I just don't do it. And the worst thing is, if I go ahead and do what I should be doing, I freeze and just sit and stare, almost like my brain can't function unless it's under the pressure of procrastination. I hate it.
We've recently started planning out a game here at Playstuff, and I am so intensely excited about it. As well as my good, real-life friends and I are going to dedicate the summer to making films. And Goob and I are starting a Kickstarter for our comic book based on the Calmar Universe. All of these things, I just want them to be my life. This is what I want to do.
But no. Right now I need to make a minute and a half animation of a song I love, but have absolutely no idea how to execute it. And I need to make an asinine brand book for a state park that doesn't exist.
I want to live my life doing this with the people that are my friends, the people who share my passions. Not sit around and be told what to do by teachers who have less empathy than the Gestapo.
I just need to get through this week. Wish me luck guys.
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